Articles By Nicole Kahn

San Diego Therapist Nicole Kahn

 

Rekindling the Love Within
Nurturance and Self-Care: Mothering Ourselves to Achieve Our Most Vibrant Self
Ring in the New Year with a New You!
Planting the Seed for Optimal Health: Complete Detoxification and Renewal for Mind, Body, and Spirit
Artfully Creating Your Life
Growing Your Emotional Wealth

 

Rekindling the Love Within
By Nicole Kahn, L.M.F.T., M.A., Ed.M.

February has long been a month of romance, with the exchange of cards, candy, flowers, and gifts among loved ones. It can be a time of tremendous joy as well as deep sorrow depending on the state of your relationships. So much focus is placed on having a valentine, being in a relationship, or being in love. Our childhood fairytales promise us that Prince Charming will sweep us up and out of our misery forever. And as adults, we are bombarded with images from the media about how we need to look, feel, and act in order to find that special someone and fall madly in love. The joke, however, isn’t on Cupid, it’s on us. As cliché as it may sound, we will find that special someone to love or have that wonderful relationship only when we truly love ourselves.

Genuinely connecting to another first requires an authentic connection to our own feelings, needs, and wants. This Valentine’s Day and all month long, reignite your self-passion by building the foundation that will support a loving and meaningful relationship with yourself. Here are a few suggestions that will get you the love you’re searching for in no time:

 

• Honor where you are--Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions show up in your life. Treat your feelings with the utmost respect; don’t evaluate their rightness or wrongness and don’t attempt to shut them off or sweep them under the rug. The experience of negative feeling states--sadness, anger, grief--is just as important as the experience of positive feeling states – joy, excitement, love. We must accept our range of emotions as part of who we are if we are to cultivate genuine self-caring and love.
• Express yourself--Communicate your feelings; get them out of your body and into the tangible world. Call a friend, write a letter, draw a picture, or scream till your ears hurt. The more we listen to and acknowledge our feelings, the more we’ll believe in our right to be self-expressed. And remember, the higher our self-expression, the better we feel about ourselves.
• Set goals--Having desires is quite different from setting goals. Holding ourselves accountable, by creating real-life goals, feeds our confidence and self-worth. Tell yourself you can do anything you put your mind to and chances are you’ll achieve all you’ve ever hoped for.
• Help others--Giving back to your community is a sure-fire way to boost your self-esteem. Knowing that you’ve genuinely helped another is more valuable than all the money in your wallet. As Flora Edwards said, "In helping others, we shall help ourselves, for whatever good we give out completes the circle and comes back to us."

 

Nurturance and Self-Care: Mothering Ourselves to Achieve Our Most Vibrant Self
By Nicole Kahn, L.M.F.T., M.A., Ed.M.

During the month of May, as we celebrate our mothers and the nurturing support they’ve provided us, it’s important that we turn our focus inward and access our own ability to nurture and care for ourselves. As women, we are faced with a myriad of responsibilities and pressures that impact both our ability to be connected with others and our maintenance of personal balance and health. Therefore, we owe it to ourselves, and to those we love, to take a genuine interest in our inner world and to actualize the mom inside all of us.

Numerous studies have demonstrated a direct correlation between our moods and ability to effectively express our emotions and our physical health. Strong evidence exists that negative mood states and/or suppression of negative feelings increases one’s susceptibility to illness, while improved mood and use of adaptive coping skills to deal with life difficulties lead to fewer illnesses, faster recovery, and a longer life span (Salovey, Rothman & Steward, American Psychologist, 1/00). It seems plausible, then, that achieving our most vibrant self is simple and logical, right? Improve our mood, don’t use cigarettes, drugs, or food to deal with problems, and vibrancy abounds! Well, for a few it may be that easy, but for the majority of us it is a journey that requires patience, compassion, and a willingness to explore uncharted inner territory.

Rest assured, however, that reaching total wellness isn’t as daunting a task as it may seem. The path to vibrancy begins with nurturance, self-care, and honoring the mother within all of us. Follow these five simple tips and you’ll be springboarded toward an exhilarated spirit, healthy body, and overall sense of vibrancy:

 

• Get outside--Nature calms the storm in us and offers us a sense of wholeness and connection like no other force. Take advantage of spring: go for a walk on the beach, have a picnic lakeside, or just listen to the songs of springtime birds. Fresh air and spring breezes will invigorate your senses and help you to reconnect with your inner spirit.
• Use your body--Numerous studies continue to prove that exercise increases positive feelings and decreases negative ones. As we increase our heart rate and get our blood flowing, we release endorphins--chemicals in the brain that are responsible for positive moods. So, if you’ve got a body, use it! Join a gym, take a dance class, go for a walk, practice yoga, or stretch while on your coffee break. Whatever you do, just get moving.
• Express yourself--Many of us have difficulty dealing with and expressing unpleasant emotions. Stored up, forgotten feelings and experiences often manifest as physical blockages in the body. Self-expression, then, is the key to overall health. Use the creative arts--paint a picture, write poetry, keep a journal of thoughts and feelings throughout day, sing in the shower, or talk to a trusted friend. Whatever you do, don’t keep feelings bottled up inside. The more often you express yourself through creative and healthy means, the easier it will be to deal with life’s many challenges.
• Slow down and breathe--Save time in your day, even just ten minutes, to practice deep breathing and meditation. Breathing more deeply increases the balance of blood flow throughout your body, while meditation has been linked to increased feelings of happiness. Clearing your mind and listening to your body is one of the best ways you can nurture yourself and connect to your core.
• Make connections--Get together with friends or make new ones. Social relationships promote health and well-being and lead people to feel positively about themselves and their surroundings. Join a club, visit a museum, or try a new activity and be open to engaging in new social circles.

 

Ring in the New Year with a New You!
By Nicole Kahn, L.M.F.T., M.A., Ed.M.

Symbolically, the New Year is a time of rebirth, a chance to start anew. This year we owe it to ourselves to seize the opportunity to create fresh habits, ones that will have a lasting impact on the quality of our lives. By taking the time to reflect on the changes we want, or often need, we are paving the path to a life filled with vibrancy, balance, and health. Begin by taking an inventory of your life over the past year. Determine the areas in your life in which you were left feeling unfulfilled, disappointed, angry, or frustrated and ask yourself some questions: Were my relationships unsteady? Was my professional life at a standstill? Was my health on a decline? Were my finances in disarray? Once you’ve pinpointed particular areas in your life that are in need of a makeover, you’ll be ready to create goals that will support your sparkling rebirth!

Below is a step-by-step guide that will get you on your way to vibrancy, health, and renewal in no time!

 

• Take on one goal at a time. There's a temptation with the New Year to run off a list of everything we've ever wanted to change. Don't fall for it! You'll more likely accomplish one or two goals than you will with a list of fifty. Remember, you can always add new goals to your list as time goes on.
• Word it carefully. Let's say your resolution this year is to lose weight. Try not to think of it as "This year I am going to fit into my skinny jeans." This sounds as if you're going to force yourself to lose weight by sheer willpower; and willpower alone is nothing but a stress-bomb waiting to explode! Be nice to yourself by adding a dose of compassion. Try, "This year I'm going take care of my body by exercising regularly, choosing more whole foods, eating only when I am physically hungry, and ignoring what the media says about how I should look." Be specific, gentle, and realistic--this will guarantee a goal that’s attainable and genuinely focused on your well-being.
• Make a plan. Now that you’ve identified a goal to jumpstart the new you, break it down. Nobody accomplishes anything of significance by trying to do it all at once. The smaller the steps, the better. Take one step at a time, moving on to subsequent steps upon completion of each rung of your goal ladder. When trying to lose weight, for example, your plan may include these steps: (a) Visit your doctor/nutritionist to learn about which foods your body needs for optimal functioning. Get informed of realistic weight loss benchmarks for your lifestyle; (b) Make a grocery list and shop for these new foods when you’re not hungry; (c) Schedule an appointment at the local gym to develop your personal workout plan; (d) Enlist a friend as your workout buddy and create a weekly schedule of your workout times; (e) Make daily time for self-reflection, i.e., journaling, gardening, walking, to ensure that you’re not using emotional eating to deal with difficult feelings or events.
• Write it down. Write down your resolution and your plan of action. Stick it up on the fridge, on your bathroom mirror, wherever you know you'll see it. That way, you'll have a constant reminder of your goal and your action plan.

 

Planting the Seed for Optimal Health: Complete Detoxification and Renewal for Mind, Body, and Spirit
By Nicole Kahn, L.M.F.T., M.A., Ed.M.

Now that April has arrived, as flowers bloom and the sun nourishes us with her warmth, we are given an opportunity to transform, restore, and renew. It is now that our seeds of motivation and vigor begin to flourish, providing us with a revitalized mind, body, and spirit. Spring is the perfect time to embark upon “spring cleaning” for ultimate health and wellness.

Just as nature is clearing out the impurities of the winter, it is our time to aid the body in efficiently detoxifying our internal channels. A cleansing program, called detoxification, is designed to rid the body of harmful chemicals or poisons and to reduce natural waste products that have built up in the liver, skin, and gut over time. These toxins often cause fatigue, aches and pains, digestive upset, emotional imbalance, and less-than-optimal health.

Taking the steps to cleanse and heal your body from the inside out will result in unsurpassed vitality and well-being. Detoxification regimens generally start with the liver, the body's major detoxification organ. When the liver is working efficiently and effectively, other organs often follow suit, including the skin, large intestine, lungs, kidneys, and lymphatic system.

Cleansing and renewing each of these organs is best achieved through an integrative approach to detoxification, utilizing not only our body, but our mind and spirit as well. There is an abundance of expertise in the area of detoxification and renewal, which when used in conjunction, provide ultimate health and vibrancy. Use the following as a guide to aid with your springtime detoxification. Keep in mind that embarking on any detoxification plan is safest when done under the supervision of professionals in the field of health and wellness.

 

• Nutrition--A holistic nutritionist will jumpstart your “spring cleaning” with an elimination diet, free of white sugar, white flour, chocolate, sodas, milk products, wheat, and caffeine. By incorporating lots of fresh fruits and vegetables into your new diet, you will activate the enzymes in the liver that promote your natural detoxification process.
• Yoga--Yoga encourages the proper circulation of blood and lymph fluid, enhances digestion, reduces nervous tension, strengthens the endocrine system, lubricates the joints, reduces excess fat, and improves concentration.
• Manual Lymph Drainage--This gentle massage therapy removes metabolic wastes, excess water, toxins, and bacteria from the tissue. MLD also relaxes the sympathetic nervous system, thus helping to relieve stress.
• Acupuncture--This ancient Chinese system of healing increases circulation, boosts your metabolism, and assists with digestive imbalances that could be contributing to low energy, bloating, and weight gain.
• Homeopathy--An effective and scientific system of healing that assists the natural tendency of the body to heal itself. Homeopathic medicine will get to the root cause of any imbalances in the body and stimulate the body to detoxify itself naturally.
• Naturopathic Medicine--This method restores balance by removing any obstacles keeping your body from healing itself. Naturopathy increases the healing response within so that the body becomes healthier and more vital.
• Colon Hydrotherapy--A safe and effective method of flushing out toxic wastes that involves the infusion of filtered water into the colon (large intestine) through the rectum. A colon hydrotherapy session may be considered a rejuvenation treatment for your body as it aids efficient removal of waste material.
• Supportive Counseling--This will provide you with the space needed to release and cleanse yourself of past hurts, negative emotions, and ineffective thought patterns. By ridding yourself of this emotional waste, you will have the ability to create healthy new ways of dealing with life’s challenges.

 

Artfully Creating Your Life
By Nicole Kahn, L.M.F.T., M.A., Ed.M.

Now that spring is in full bloom and our senses are laden with aromatic flowering fields, lush mountainsides, and warm breezes, we, like Mother Nature, have an opportunity to start anew and flourish. The living artist, as often referred to as an existing person who creates a sensory piece of art to be put on display in a museum, is actually within us all. We each have the incredible capacity to continually create all that we need and desire for a fulfilled, balanced, and peaceful life. With the future as our blank canvas and our choices as our paintbrush, we can begin to artfully create our life, one brush stroke at a time.

The first step in any artistic creation is to acknowledge and honor where you are. Get present to how you are feeling about each area of your life and allow yourself to feel each emotion as it arises. Treat your feelings with the utmost respect--don’t evaluate their rightness or wrongness and don’t attempt to shut them off or sweep them under the rug. The experience of negative feeling states--sadness, anger, grief--is just as important as the experience of positive feeling states--joy, excitement, and love. By accepting our range of emotions we are creating the foundation to artfully create our life; we have taken an inventory of our art supplies and accepted that some brushes are shorter, some are wider, and some not as easy to use as others.

Now that we are ready with our supplies, we artfully create by expressing what is inside. Communicate your feelings; get them out of your body and into the tangible world. Call a friend, write a letter, draw a picture, or compose a song. The more we listen to and acknowledge our feelings, the more we’ll believe in our right to be self-expressed. The higher our self-expression, the better we feel about ourselves. Increased self-esteem is the container of deliberate intention and deliberate intention results in a vibrant and joyous life. So, as an artist, we have gotten present to the fact that the colors we choose and the way that we apply the paint to the canvas is in perfect harmony with who we are.

As we begin to paint our picture of life, we must find a balance between our self-expression and our self-ambition. Being fully self-expressed requires deliberate action and beckons us to seize each moment as opportunity, opportunity to create fresh habits and new ways of being that will have a lasting impact on the quality of our life. Full self-expression and deliberate action begin to take shape as we set concrete goals. Holding ourselves accountable, by creating real-life goals, feeds our confidence and self-worth. When creating a goal, be specific, gentle, and realistic--this will guarantee a goal that’s attainable and genuinely focused on your well-being. Keep in mind that nobody accomplishes anything of significance by trying to do it all at once. Create small objectives leading up to your goal, taking one step at a time, moving on to subsequent steps upon completion of each rung of your goal ladder. Be sure to write your goal down and stick it up on the fridge, on your bathroom mirror, wherever you know you'll see it. As living artists, we must look ahead to see where our art fits into the world and that it won’t go unrecognized by others.

As we engage in the continuous cycle of creation and completion, it is important that our supplies remain abundant and that our inspired masterpieces be shared with others. Build your personal dream team. Involve people close to you in your artful creation of life. Acquaint your team with your goals and enroll them in helping to hold you accountable for your choices, commitments, and triumphs.

Finally, as we begin to accrue a collection of vibrant and authentic pieces of art, we must continue to visualize our continuous cycle of creation and abundance. Remain positive, visualize prosperity, and focus your attention on what you most desire. Tell yourself you can do anything you put your mind to, and you will become Michelangelo’s David of today.

 

 

Growing Your Emotional Wealth
By Nicole Kahn, L.M.F.T., M.A., Ed.M.

More times than not, when we hear the word “wealth” we think of those sought after greenbacks and ways to get more of them into our life. According to the dictionary, wealth is “the state of being rich and affluent; having a plentiful supply of material goods and money; the quality of profuse abundance.” What is interesting is that the word “wealth” originally came from an old English word “weal”, which means “well-being” or “welfare” and this term was used to describe the possession of such qualities. So, when did material possessions become synonymous with wealth? Not sure. What’s important rather, is to view money as energy that hooks our attention often at the expense of our emotional (and sometimes physical) well-being. Below are a few tips to guide you in growing your emotional wealth, so that you can experience the quality of profuse abundance in all areas of your life.

 

• Honor where you are--Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions show up in your life. Treat your feelings with the utmost respect; don’t evaluate their rightness or wrongness and don’t attempt to shut them off or sweep them under the rug. The experience of negative feeling states--sadness, anger, grief--is just as important as the experience of positive feeling states – joy, excitement, love. Being fully present to our experience opens us up to receive all of life’s gifts.
• Express yourself--Communicate your feelings; get them out of your body and into the tangible world. Call a friend, write a letter, draw a picture, or scream till your ears hurt. The more we listen to and acknowledge our feelings, the more we’ll believe in our right to be self-expressed. And remember, the higher our self-expression, the better we feel about ourselves and the more positive things we attract into our lives.
• Set goals--Having desires is quite different from setting goals. Holding ourselves accountable, by creating real-life goals, feeds our confidence and self-worth. Tell yourself you can do anything you put your mind to and chances are you’ll achieve all you’ve ever hoped for.
• Help others--Giving back to your community is a sure-fire way to cultivate abundance. Knowing that you’ve genuinely helped another and making personal connections grows our sense of belongingness, community and support. As Flora Edwards said, "In helping others, we shall help ourselves, for whatever good we give out completes the circle and comes back to us."

Nicole provides counseling and therapy to individuals, adults, teens, couples and families.  She treats issues including depression, anxiety, grief, loss, healing trauma, eliminating overeating, weight management, stress management, life transitions, personal growth, self-esteem, relationships, premarital counseling, improving communication and chronic pain.  Nicole serves the greater San Diego area including La Jolla, University City, Clairemont, Kearny Mesa, Mira Mesa, UTC, Sorrento Valley, Carmel Valley, Del Mar, Pacific Beach, Ocean Beach, and Point Loma.