Healing our Inner Critic

So often in our relationships we get triggered into believing stories about who we are. Our partner forgets to call us when they’re running late and we find ourselves frenzied; with a closer look we see that his or her behavior triggered us into believing the old tales about us being unlovable, invisible or not mattering. The truth is that all of our unspoken autobiographies are pure works of fiction that were created in response to a primal need to be safe and survive in this world. As adults, we now have the resources to ensure we will not only survive, but thrive. We no longer need to coax ourselves into believing lies about who we are.

Get curious about the stories and self-judgments that lurk behind your frustrations, upsets and fears. Become aware of your inner critic and judging mind. What narratives have you told yourself so frequently that you’ve actually believed them to be true? Many times, these stories relate to our inherent worth. Challenge yourself by challenging these stories and notice what happens once you stop believing them.

Fulfilling relationships are only possible when we become aware of our own inner judge and make a conscious choice to stop believing the lies our mind tells us. Byron Brown, in his book, “Soul Without Shame: A Guide to Liberating Yourself From the Judge Within” he gives us a taste of what we can expect once we’ve become an expert in dismantling our inner critic:

“Working with the judge is a journey of recovery. Disengaging helps free you from the harsh oppression of the judge and also accelerates your movement into experiencing the aliveness of your soul nature. You have the opportunity to recover a fresh and dynamic aliveness at the heart of your life. And aliveness means the presence of passion and spontaneity.”

Today, write a new story about who you are. One that embodies the truth that you are valuable simply because you are alive.

About nicolekahn

I am a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Certified Imago relationship therapist, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, and Trauma Touch Therapist. Using an integrative approach that blends solution-focused strategies of the West with mindfulness practices of the East, clients are guided towards authentic self-expression, embodiment, and full aliveness.
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